THE VAMPIRE CLEANSE: AN ESSENTIAL HALLOWEEN TREAT
I don’t know about you but when my kids return from trick or treating, I secretly want to eat all their candy.
But amongst other things we sadly learn as we mature into adults is the fact that devouring their candy while they sleep and blaming it on ghosts isn’t the best idea for my health.
Can’t I be a kid again and not be aware of such things?
Unfortunately, reversing age is yet to be found.
As such, the infinite wisdom we learn in adulthood tells us candy is often loaded with nothing but tons of sugar, empty calories and hardly any nutritional value, not to mention trans fats, manufactured additives, toxic chemicals and artificial dyes.
If that’s not bad enough, here’s how those colorful candy corns and other Halloween treats effect us:
Cavities and tooth decay: while your kids may love Gummy Goblins, their teeth and gums aren’t fans of it given it’s so sticky that it gets stuck between their teeth for hours or until they floss it off. Bacteria loves sugar as well, so for them it’s like a 24/7 fiesta that never stops. The bacteria party, eat, reproduce and release acid so strong that it can break a hole through the tooth, aka “cavities,” which aside from causing your kids pain, causes you to deal with yet another unwanted bill you’d rather avoid.
Hyperactivity: while I love my kids to be active, overactive ones make me want to do nothing but go upstairs, toss the headphones on, crawl under a fluffy blanket, listen to some Taylor Swift and nap until next month.
Excess sugar equates to high energy, leading to kids to pinball around the room as if they were stuck inside a bounce house sounding more like fireworks on the 4th of July as opposed to human beings. If that’s not bad enough, maybe you experienced what happens after all that hyperactivity wears off. While your kids often wind up crashing on the couch, you’re left with cleaning a tidal wave of things such as dirty dishes, toys you didn’t even know existed or in some cases, a rainbow spray painted Siamese Cat.
But don’t blame the cat for enabling this: blame the excess sugar in their blood that converts such excess tofat.
Addiction: the body loves sugar because it’s free energy it doesn’t have to work for. Similar to receiving a stimulus check from the government, who wants to work when you can get something for free? While the body doesn’t care about forgiving student loans or stimulus checks, it does appreciate not having to work. Because it’s free money without working for it, it becomes cravings that in many cases, could lead to at least some level of addiction whereby Halloween winds up getting celebrated not only at the end of October but many other days of the year.
Obesity: excess sugars form into fat cells causing weight gain, making our skin thick, our bellies swell and our organs having to work overtime to overcome added weight.
High blood pressure and heart disease: the thicker skin, fat storage and additional weight causes pressure on blood vessels that should ordinarily appear round like tunnels but with extra weight applied to them, they get squashed. Furthermore, other things we eat such as trans fats and chemicals get stuck in our blood vessel tunnels, causing blockage leading to delayed circulation that forces our heart to increase its force in order to push circulation through our bodies. As a result, higher blood pressure develops, which just like getting a Trick instead of a Treat is definitely not a welcomed thing.
Chronic Inflammation: as the heart works overtime to push circulation, the body temperature slowly increases due to nonstop heavy traffic causing congestion and delays. As such, especially when adding trans fats into the tunnels, roadblocks start forming, the freeway system becomes congested and the extra weight narrows pathways within the clogged tunnels. The congested traffic leads to delays and more cars (the bad stuff being put into your body) that get stuck while still burning fuel, releasing toxins and heat. The heavy congestion causes nonstop accumulation of heat and toxins released by the cells, causing body temperature to increase over its normal range for an extended period of time.
Medical science calls this chronic inflammation, I simply call it a big problem that can be solved through proper diet.
Insulin resistant type 2 diabetes: although it may sound like a corny title to a horror movie from the 50s, it’s actually worse. Think of your cells as apartments within a large complex. Each apartment has a lock that only a specific key can open. Similarly, in our bodies, a key called Insulin will fit into specific locks called insulin receptors.
As above, prolonged increase in our body temperature causes the lock outside the cells to corrode, preventing the insulin key from unlocking the lock, therefore, blocking food to get inside the cell. If the insulin key can’t open the lock and allow precious food to get in, cells will starve and this is when things can go from bad to worse (ie Gangrene in the toes, amputation, etc.).
Bacteraemia: no, not a title to another 50s movie but again, it’s bad stuff. Simply put, while many of us love sugar. the tiny bugs that co-exist within us love it even more. After all, they could care less about Weight Watchers, Jennie Craig or Oprah’s latest diet plan.
Excess sugar in the bloodstream leads to increased bacterial growth. If you already have bacteria binding to your heart tissues, this is called bacterial endocarditis. With this, bacteria feast on all the extra sugar, causing an increase in population and releasing of acid that tears up the heart tissue leading to heart disease and heart failure.
So, while it may sound like I just ruined your kid’s Halloween fun, there are solutions such as limiting consumption, treating them with healthier alternatives or my favorite, give ‘em a healthy dose of what I call:
🧛♀️ The Vampire Cleanse 🧛♀️
The Vampire Cleanse may look like something Dracula chugs at midnight but in reality, it’s designed to bring not only some added Halloween color into the house but more importantly, a great way to reduce sugar and other unwanted build up within your kid’s precious bodies.
(Ok, sure, I do need to include Halloween loving adults as well. After all, who can’t resist at least some candy corns come Halloween!).
Just be forewarned: unless you want your kids to skip school or church, this one is best to drink later evening with a clear day to follow given just how powerful this cleanse is.
The ingredients are simple, containing just three key items:
- Hibiscus tea
- Monk sugar
- Chia or Basil seeds
Let’s take a quick look why the combination of the above is enough to scare not only Jason from Friday the 13th away but also much of the sugar.
The roselle hibiscus is widely believed to have originated in Africa, a place where its leaves are commonly sold in markets given how plentiful the supply of it is throughout eastern and western Africa.
If you think a traditional medical colon cleanse is powerful, this stuff gives it close competition. As with many of my cleanses, devouring Hibiscus does a fantastic job cleansing the body of toxins, chemicals and of course, processed sugar.
I’m often asked something to the effect, “a lot of your cleanses clean the colon, which one is better than the other?”
The answer is, they are all powerful in their own unique ways. That said, it’s the rotation of them that does the best job, so there isn’t just one answer. Most of my cleanses do a fantastic job of cleaning the colon but each provides unique and powerful nutrients that others don’t always provide.
In the case of Hibiscus tea, Hibiscus has one of the highest acidity content similar to cranberries. Remember, doctors recommend drinking lemon water daily to improve overall health. Similar to Hibiscus, this is because the acidity causes the blood to be more acidic. Translation: think of acidity as if it was very hot water, providing the ability to melt things away, dissolving and removing impurities from the blood.
The super high concentration of vitamin C and it’s powerful antioxidants works wonders for detoxifying the blood without any potential for toxicity given any excess is removed from the body.
The sour, bitter taste is the detoxifying antioxidants necessary to dissolve and remove all the junk from our blood. Dissolving the junk such as all those cars (sugar, chemicals, trans fats) causing cholesterol roadblocks helps reduce the congestion in our blood, providing clearer pathways for nutrients to be delivered. Less traffic equates to more efficient blood flow, improved circulation and lower blood pressure. The vitamin C found within Hibiscus also provides the basic building blocks for many of our tissues and is therefore useful in building collagen, making the skin shine, repairing and restoring the elasticity of blood vessels as well as promoting healthy kidneys, liver and prostate flow (yes, on a side note, this is a very powerful remedy for other issues such as erectile disfunction!).
A popular staple of most of my cleanses, the reason I very frequently add Monk Sugar to my cleanses is simple:
- It’s 300 times sweeter than sugar, which helps make the acidic Hibiscus easier to tolerate.
- It’s 100% plant based, which means the body easily breaks it down, uses what it needs and removes any excess through one of our two most natural exits. I’ll avoid the TMI, I think you know what I mean.😀
- It’s a dieter’s dream come true: it’s calorie free and lastly,
- As opposed to artificial sweeteners such as Splenda, Equal or others, it’s chemical free (be sure to read the label, I can’t guarantee every brand doesn’t use additives, the one below is my fav).
Chai pets. Remember those?
Similarly, when soaked in liquid, these little magical black spheres simply expand like little beach balls that get inflated without you having to do any of the manual pumpin’. When combined into the Hibiscus, they act like a million little sturdy puffy balls flowing through the body’s endless tunnels, smushing, wiping and removing much of the bad stuff such as cholesterol, excess sugar and chemicals in its wake and pushing it out of our bodies.
Furthermore, Chia offers a handful of other great benefits such as:
- High in fiber to cleanse the gastro track.
- Full of Antioxidants (Hibiscus too!)
- Appetite suppressant, which is great for weight loss given they make the tummy feel more full.
- Inflammation reduction.
- Low calories.
- Promotes heart health.
- Rich in omega 3s.
- High source of protein, iron, calcium, magnesium and potassium.
- Anti aging qualities (increased collagen), boost kidney health, immunity and so much more.
PREPARING THE CLEANSE
Super easy: all you have to do is:
- Boil water
- Add dried hibiscus flowers. The more you add, the stronger the tea.
- Boil for ~ 30 to 45 minutes.
- Strain into a pot.
- Add monk sugar and chia.
- Chill overnight.
- (For added kick, add green tea or black coffee to increase either caffeination and/or additional antioxidants)
Exact amounts depend on how much of it you want to serve. When I know I want the cleanse for myself or my kids, I’ll use the following measurements to provide a reasonable serving to share:
- 1 pound of Hibiscus leaves boiled in a large pot of water.. You can always make a super concentrate, refrigerate and dilute as needed.
- Add as much Monk as needed because it’s sugar free and calorie free.
- Once Chia is added, you have to stir once every few minutes to prevent them from sticking to one another.
Keep in mind, there’s no science to this. I advise to play around with the amounts to find your sweet spot.
When it comes to your kids and Halloween, this is the tricky part but after all, Halloween is all about trick or treating so I’ve been known to bargain with my kids by negotiating with this: go ahead and eat some candy but only under one condition. You must drink Dracula’s favorite drink after you’re all done. 👻
They see it and might cringe but I have fun with it and eventually, when it’s between eating no Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups or drinking a reasonable amount of the cleanse, it’s a rare Halloween when I don’t win the negotiation. 💪🏻
In the late evening after all the fun dies down, that’s when it’s my turn to have them drink a healthy portion of the famous to me but infamous to my kids, Vampire Cleanse.
Come morning, be sure to have the iPad well charged because what follows is usually a few trips to the bathroom where only you know the real secret to a Vampire’s favorite drink: removing much of the bad stuff that would otherwise sit until next Halloween or even far thereafter.
Lastly, for the adults at Halloween parties, I’ve had fun with the Cleanse by offering it to adults in shot glasses. While it’s certainly not enough to help much, I have successfully used it as an introduction to at least try it. Add enough Monk Sugar and it can actually be a tasty, quick treat that leads them to the actual cleanse.
I wish you a very happy Halloween ahead and I sincerely hope this helps you and your loved ones lead a much healthier life we all deserve.
All my very best,
THE COLON CRUSHER
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